Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
