I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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