he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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