I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize