I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
