I accidentally had phone sex last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
