you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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