just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
