meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
