saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I need a beard to bite.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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