Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
