my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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