I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
