just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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