Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
