The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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