I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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