Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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