and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
