I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
