remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
