It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
