At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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