She's JV to your varsity
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
