and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize