When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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