I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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