when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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