is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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