Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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