I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
