saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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