I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
