It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
