either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
