I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
