She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
