Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
should my penis look like a turkey
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
