If i come over, it means nothing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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