he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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