i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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