a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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