and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
