They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
