Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
MIDGETS
????
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize