Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
