Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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