Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
