I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
