Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
