Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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