Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
