on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
