Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
