haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
