she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My vagina is very pro this idea
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
