You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
