What tipped you off? The sombrero?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
