you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize