She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
