she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
