How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
