What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
