PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
