There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
